My Morning Ritual

Every morning I wake up with my hair still in perfect placement, makeup as fresh as the day before, and I make my cute little girly yawning noises … ok not really, my hair is usually all over my face and sometimes in my mouth, I look like I have two black eyes from my makeup smearing and the noises I make are more caveman like. Anyways, after all that, I slowly open my eyes to see what has to be the most dreadful thing you can possibly see when first opening your eyes … the light. My body goes into a state of convulsing shock while my eyes silently scream for mercy from the horror that is the light. I slowly drag myself out of bed blindly stumbling and confused as to where I am actually going; I just need to get away from the light. Suddenly I trip over something; damn dog! Although, I can't blame her, she's going through the same thing I am. We're both just trying to find sanctuary from the demon lght. Finally, after much searching, I find my sunglasses and drag my poor dog to safety—under the bed. Here we can hide until our poor eyes adjust to the light of day. Why is the light so cruel? Why must she hurt our poor eyes like this? What have we done to anger her? Why wasn't I blessed with a second set of eyelids to shield my poor eyes from this cruelty? Wait a minute, the dog has three sets of eyelids! I push her out from under the bed … she can fend for herself. Only one thing comforts me from this daily monstrosity … one day global warming will block out the sun entirely. This is my morning ritual.